~Lost Dreams~

"I can see the Joy on your face"

Came that geninue comment across me at D2R as i marvel at the beauty of the clear view of Singapore outside the window, just after take off as the aircraft climbs. Half of Singapore was spread nicely down under and i had a birdeye's view of the CBD and Sentosa. Smiling i may be, silently, i herald the regret that i couldn't see it out of the cockpit windows instead.

Never in my 2 years has anyone has anyone told me so. It was the reflection of what i secretly love, that came in words. Perhaps that's all i have been wanting to hear?

And little did i know, that sentence from him struck such a cord in me that it made my already disturb mind even heavier. A trip to Jandakot later that evening make it even worse.

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I think i need to rewind the timeline a little.

8 months.

I thought i have given up on this little blog myself too. I wont be surprised if i am the only reader now Heh~

I did tried to post. But ideas evade me to make this an interesting read, thus i kinda gave up a little. Then came facebook, perfect for a lazy bum like me, just load the photos only and let the photos do the talking. Coupled with tiredness, new gym membership, people to meet, flights to chiong etc, blogging took a back seat.

Anyway, the main reason was because i had become disillusioned since the start of the year. Having to draaaaaaaag myself to work always, scowling at paxs (when he is not looking) if he press the xmas call for a SG sling. I found my smile waning as each day gone by, which is bad, knowing that i sell smiles for a living.

Somehow, all those were indication that time has come, or almost coming. I start to prepare myself mentally, change flights to do with friends or batchies, talk to people to sound out the market outside. Lots of plans, but nothing concrete.

And the bomb came. The so-called dream job offer came whilst i was in London, one of my favourite station. My little world came tumbling down, i was close to tears at many points. Then i realised that as much as i have been complaining, angry and all, i still love travelling, the benefit that this job gives.

Things was suppose to go according to plan, and by right it should be next year. But life has a knack of not going according to plan sometimes.

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Further rewind.

Do you remember what is your biggest dream? Or your first dream?

For some people, they are already living theirs. Others not so fortunate, either there are more pressing needs like basic needs to fulfil or simply opportunities evade them.

I was a 18 year-old girl who didn't know what i wanted to be in life, until my eyes found that decade old commercial saying, "AirForce, Above All".

Considered and hesitated. Eventually i did not submit that application.

Obviously, nothing happened.

Wasn't fated to know about Singapore Youth Flying club until i was way passed my youth.

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I need to apologise for the following sentence in advance.

I have NEVER aspire to be a kebaya-clad girl in my life. I just stumbled into it for the travelling and money.

I still remember the very first day of my STC life 2 and a half years back, i ran into Boon when he was still a cadet, he asked me,

"So what happened? I thought you wanted to be a pilot?"

"Well, this is the closest i can get to flying."

It does sound like all was lost.

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Back to Jandakot, the cadet pilots training ground in Perth.

Fate is playing with me. Dream(number 2) job offer pending and then this.

It was liberating to just breathe the air at that airfield and watch the cute aircrafts skiing off the runways.

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I am once again at the cross roads.

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Lately, i have been into taking pics like this.

This is one over looking the indian ocean as we approach Perth.

But all i want is to enjoy the view from the cockpit.

Will there be such a day ?

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Wouldn't it be silly to leave and to wish that i could come back to fly again?

=)